it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
