Taylor Swift is so right about you.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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