i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
