So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
