So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
