If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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