Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
