The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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