Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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