I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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