she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
