the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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