I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The beer is more important than you right now.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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