if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
