SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
