just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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