I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize