So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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