i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
