Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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