Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
