just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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