Pants 0. Shit 1.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
