Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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