Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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