so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
