she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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