I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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