hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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