He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
