The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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