You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
