Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We just shotgunned beers for America
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
