is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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