Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
