Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
