My nipple is on Facebook.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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