i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
