I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
