He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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