Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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