Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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