First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
