People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
