when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize