So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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