Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
