Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
