My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
