We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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