Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
