Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
