Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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