It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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