yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
