So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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