why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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