I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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