Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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