3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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