if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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