people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
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