Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize