Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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