After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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