May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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