I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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