Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
