If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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