Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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